Parenting simply means the process of promoting a child’s physical, emotional, social and intellectual development from birth to adulthood.
In this article, we will discuss some simple steps about child-rearing and some Parenting Tips.
First of all, Congratulations!! YOU HAVE BECOME A PROUD PARENT! Now you have got many responsibilities as a parent. You are very much excited about your new role but at the same time, you are very concerned about raising the child as best as you can so that she will become a very good and successful human being.
How to Become Good Parents: Parenting Tips
So, what’s the first step after the birth of the baby?
Well, it is –
It is the most important part of a baby’s life – a special attachment between the parents and the newborn baby. This gives the baby physical and emotional security which is very important for healthy brain development.
How is Secure Attachment Formed?
Warm and frequent eye contact, smile and laugh are ways of showing the baby that they are cared for.
Conversation with the baby is also very important. Just because infants cannot talk it doesn’t mean that they can’t have a conversation. Example –Respond to a cry with reassurance like “I know you are hungry dear. Don’t worry Mamma is warming your milk.” or maybe you pick up the toy they are pointing at and talk something about it like-“Are you looking for this red toy?” This kind of interaction is about engaging with your baby and making them feel they are part of a conversation. Even sitting and talking with the baby when they eat, massaging a baby yourself, changing the diaper is an opportunity to share loving touches and provide the kind of care that builds secure attachments.
Now with a very strong bonding with the parents, the baby will gradually grow into an adult passing through different phases.
When the emotional bonding of the kid with the parent is very strong then it is most likely that she will grow into a very happy, confident, contented, good and successful human being.
What is the Parents’ role during a Child’s Growing Years?
We should all agree about the fact that parents are the best teachers and the best friends of their children throughout their life. So what are the things we should concentrate on to make our child comfortable?
Communication with the Child
The ability to communicate with the child is the key factor to make a better quality of life for both parents and the child.
So, what is the importance of communication with the child?
When parents communicate effectively with their children, they are showing them love and respect. Children then begin to feel that they are heard and their parents understand their feeling and love them. This boosts their self-esteem. In contrary to this, if parents fail to communicate properly, then it will have a bad impact on them leading them to think that they are unimportant and unheard. They come to see their parents as unhelpful and untrustworthy.
You cannot expect your child to do everything you want them to do. Please don’t think as you are the parent, so you are the supreme authority and the child should just obey you. Before asking to do anything, first explain to the child why you want them to do that particular thing because the children have all the rights to the explanations as much as the adults do or else they will be confused why they are doing the things as instructed by their parents.
Parents who communicate effectively are more likely to have children willing to do what they are told.
It is important to start communicating when children are young. Please do not try to give advice always as it will become more like a lecture to them and maybe boring for them also. Instead, talk to them in a friendly manner while in a light mood or while telling a story. Also, parents can do this by making themselves available to their children when they have questions or just they want to talk because listening is an important part of communication too!
Children who feel loved and accepted by the parents are more likely to open up and share their feelings, thoughts, and concerns with their parents.
Everything parents tell their children sends a message to them. Example- suppose a mother is busy for some reason and she is yelling at her child not to bother her. the child will take the message that she is not important. So if you are busy you should explain and make a schedule to talk with her later.
Another important point is to involve your child in family discussions and decisions whenever possible. For example- if you are planning for a holiday trip and you are going to choose a destination, then allow the child also to participate. Offer her to give her opinion. Express your own feelings and ideas also. Then both of you look into the consequences and if necessary both of you can negotiate. In this way, she will feel to be an important family member and start being responsible for her judgment and decision as she knows that her decision is also valuable. So she makes efforts to do it correctly.
Not only in the happy moments but involve her in the problematic situations of the family also so that the child will learn how to keep patience and cool during rough phases of life and how to overcome it.
Actually, you need to share your feelings good or bad and expose her to different situations and show them how you deal with the situations so that she will also learn to do it. Being a parent means you have got a really important role to play in helping kids understand their own feelings and behavior. Kids need to be shown how to manage their feelings in positive and constructive ways. Praise your child when they talk about their feelings. It will help them to understand that feelings are normal and it is ok to talk about them.
When you do not pay attention to your child’s feelings or dismiss it (telling her ‘Don’t be sensitive’) or minimize it (Don’t get upset. it was not a big deal!) or in some instances, you are getting angry with the child (Stop crying! That’s enough!) then their emotions will often be expressed in unhealthy ways. Because a child who believes that negative emotions are unacceptable will never be able to understand when someone else is expressing these feelings, nor will they be able to or even want to comfort them.
Studies have shown that when kids learn to share and manage their different types of emotions, then they are more likely to be empathetic and kind-hearted persons, will perform better in their school as well as their career, have more stable relationships, will have a very good mental health and feel more confident and capable.
Kids will do almost anything we tell them to do if we tell them with a loving heart.
Unconditional Love for the Child
To love unconditionally simply means that parents accept their children completely for whatever she is. There should be no message causing the child to think she has to be something other than what she is in order to be loved. Kids will become how we treat them. It is very important for the parents consistently to show their kids that they are loved regardless of their behavior or poor choices.
If we shower love to our child when she has achieved something we wanted and we withdraw our love when they fail in some way, this will confuse the child.
She cannot understand whether parents love her or not. Of course, that does not mean you should always be happy with your child’s bad activity and allow her to do any indisciplined act or bad thing she wants or likes to do. For that, find out some loving ways to show her what is right and what is wrong for her. For example, say, your child stole a pencil box from a friend in the school which you discover at home in the evening. In this situation, the first step is ‘Do not lose your temper ‘. Sit down, make yourself calm and comfortable, then talk to your child. Talk to her at her level. Make her understand that the step she has taken to get the pencil box is wrong. you can also tell her the pencil box is really beautiful but the way to have it is really wrong. Discuss with her, there are many other better ways in which she can get her favorite things. Then explain to her the importance of being honest. Tell her stories having the importance of honesty as moral. Make her promise if she needs something in the future then she would talk about it rather than stealing.
Please don’t share your child’s weakness with the whole world!The Child may feel ashamed of herself and so loses her self confidence and avoids socialization which may lead to negative behavior in the future.
Most of us would protest that, of course, they love their children without any condition but the main thing is ‘How the child feels’. That means you should look from the perspective of the child whether they feel the same love when they mess up. Many studies show that conditional parenting proved to be damaging. The children who were loved only when they lived up to their parents’ expectations, now felt worthless as adults.
Bedtime Stories For Kids
Make this one mandatory.
It is a very important step for more emotional bonding. Through storytelling, you can make the child learn how to solve a problem, how to come out of a bad situation, how to enjoy life, etc. They are also able to know more about life, the world and themselves, without realizing they are learning valuable life lessons through an exciting and engaging story! Stories will encourage the children to imagine big, follow their dream and believe they can achieve anything!! It also conveys values, belief , a culture which shape children’s perception to reality. While listening to a story a child puts herself into the shoes of the protagonist of the story during which they get to learn different aspects of life- how to behave, how to solve a problem, what are the actions, reactions and why all the decisions have been taken.
Through storytelling, they learn to listen to others.
Their power of concentration, focus and patience increase. While telling a story you are spending positive quality time with your child. It causes strong emotional bonding between you and your child.
Children are born without any social skills or knowledge. Parents are their first teachers. They try to imitate them.
The children want to do those things done by their parents and NOT WHAT THEIR PARENTS ASK THEM TO DO.
So when you advise something to your child, do the same for yourself also. For example, if you are telling not to hit her friend in the school as it is a really bad thing to do, but for some reason, you are beating your child as punishment, She will be confused at this behavior and will not follow your advice in future. Or you may be engrossed in social media, net surfing, playing video games or watching TV for a pretty long time and you are forbidding your children strictly from doing the same activity.
As we are human beings, we are not perfect.
Sometimes we may lose temper, become impatient or yell at or quarrel. After we regain our cool, we should feel sorry for our behavior, must admit our mistake in front of them and promise to behave better next time. Your child will learn the same from you.
So to be their role model we should
- Be loyal
- Be Respectful to others
- Have a positive environment
- Develop good communication skills
- Discuss the value of Honesty
- Discuss the importance of Good Health
- Never Lie to your child
- Never make false promises
Praise Your Kids
Praising your child is an important part of the development of self-confidence. Praising gives the children the message that they are accepted and appreciated. It nurtures your child’s self- esteem, confidence, and sense of self. But always praise sincerely and honestly. Children can differentiate between hollow praise and real praise. It always should be descriptive, and specific. Describe exactly what you like. Example-if you say ‘good job’ or ‘smart boy’, then the child will be unable to know what is that point about her which pleased you. It is lazy, harmful praise that has no value to the child. So instead you should say ‘I am really happy you finished your homework without being told ‘or ‘I am really proud of you that you make your room clean all by yourself ‘.In this way not only the child will be very happy to know her capacity but also will be enthusiastic to do more hard work.
PRAISE YOUR CHILD ON WHICH SHE HAS CONTROL like-hard work, effort, responsibility, generosity ,kindness, respect and many other good human nature like this .
But try not to praise falsely. Example-on seeing your child’s painting you should say- ‘What a creative painting! You really worked hard on that’ .But instead of this if you say ‘Wow! What a wonderful artist you are! You are the best painter I have ever seen’, then this is an exaggerated type of praise which may be dangerous for the kid in the future. It causes a feeling of emptiness.
False praise makes children feel they need to be very great in order to be acceptable. They never feel good about themselves because they know the praise they have received is empty and unrealistic.
It is important to give your child the liberty to be flawed –to know that it is okay to be imperfect.
Both overpraising and negative criticism has a negative effect on your child.
ENCOURAGEMENT is another thing you should do to the child. Encouragement is different from praise. Example- A toddler is trying to eat all by herself but finally making it messy. instead of getting angry, you may encourage her by telling ‘I like the way you are trying’. That will encourage her to do better next time. So,
ALWAYS FOCUS ON HARD WORK WITHOUT STRESSING OVER THE RESULT, because if you focus on the result then that may ultimately lead to their inability to handle failure which is a part of life. On the other hand, if you give stress on the hard work, the effort, the love for the work process, a positive attitude and the desire to improve make them ‘Yes I can do anything’ type of kids for whom success is inevitable.
Never ever instill negative thoughts into your child’s mind. Example – ‘If you won’t study you will fail in the exam’. This will have a great negative impact on her. She will have a fear of failure for which she will lose confidence in anything she is going to do. Instead, if you want her to study hard you should encourage her by telling ‘I know you can do hard work. You do your best. No matter how it turns out’. That will help her to do better.
Accept that every human being is different. Praise your child for her unique quality and encourage her to develop her particular interest.
How To Say No To Your Child?
If we DON’T use the word ‘No’, children listen better.
Example – Your child do not want to take a nap when she should in the afternoon for her good health, do not pressurize her, instead you can convince her by telling ‘I know you do not want to sleep now, but I want to tell you a story in the evening but I am very sorry you won’t be able to listen to the story as you will be feeling very sleepy at that time .’ Convince her she will miss some interesting thing if she does not sleep.
Misbehavior of Children
When your child misbehaves or gets angry, please don’t just punish her or scold her , try to know the reason behind it.
It is your job as a parent to find out why she has done it and what exactly is bothering her.
Sometimes emotional frustration may lead to this type of behavior. Please Don’t just finish your job as a parent by scolding the child or giving her punishment. Always be sympathetic towards your child. Once we know the root of the behavior, we can easily remove the cause or heal the emotional problems.
Harsh discipline and punishment interfere with the child‘s ability to develop self- discipline.
The harshness makes unhappy kids and then unhappy adults. Kids who are given discipline that is NOT LOVING never learn to manage themselves constructively.
Never Compare Your Kids with Others
No two children are the same. Think of a world where all the people are the same having the same hobby, same passion, same profession, the same dream to accomplish, then how boring it would be!! So God has made everybody different, each one having special qualities. But if you compare them with others then it may have some negative effects. The child may be pressurized. She will start believing that others are better than her and she is an incapable person. So she does not deserve any love from her parents and he starts feeling dejected. Her self- esteem becomes low. The child then starts making the distance from her parents, avoids social gathering and communications. She starts searching for someone where she can get some emotional comfort and in this way she may fall for bad associations.
Why Should Children Have Hobbies?
A hobby is something that creates a positive feeling and boosts innovation. It is an excellent way to become stress-free and relax. It increases happiness and work capacity. Studies have shown that children having a constructive hobby are more focused and more attentive to their academics.
Parents must allow the kids to choose their hobbies they are interested in . They should not pressurize the child to take up something as hobby that their parents are interested in.
The kids must be allowed to pursue their dream.
As every person is different, so, passion and hobbies are also different for different children. If the kid takes up a hobby as desired by the parent then it would be a burden for her. It will not be a source of entertainment for her. She will not enjoy doing that. So she can’t do justice to that hobby.
So parents should help their kids to pursue their hobby as best as they can. This encouragement from the parent will explore their talent and develop new skills which will finally lead to expertise.
We should take good care of ourselves also as parenting needs years of patience, calmness,time and resilience.We should not feel guilty for needing time for ourselves.
Thanks for reading this article, if you liked it feel free to drop a comment below on your thoughts and/or questions. You can check out some of my other articles here and I’ll see you in the next one!